Sponge bath it is.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
