May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
