I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
