I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
