she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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