Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
