im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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