After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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