dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize