FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
