Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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