when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
i think i just lost a toe
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
