I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
