I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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