I am midnight drunk by noon
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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