You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
