if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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