You're so nebulous sometimes
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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