I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
