There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The power of my boobs compel you
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
