i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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