Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
