Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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