i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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