i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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