At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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