im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
