I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
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