I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
