I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
