as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
