Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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