ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
