just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
