WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
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