I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
