Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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