one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
