we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
