Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
