omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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