Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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