WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
