the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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