you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
