Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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