Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
