question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
