Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
