Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
