I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
