Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
