Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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