He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Randomize