Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
