I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
