I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
