sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
