so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
