I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
