Your face is a jimmy john
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
