One girl and one boy is just not enough.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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