I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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