I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
