Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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