I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
