That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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